“A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” Proverbs 27:9
The single most important thing to do when you become a stay-at-home mom is to find your tribe. Without these amazing mamas, you will surely find yourself struggling day to day.
A tribe is a group of mamas who support each other. They bring each other up when one is feeling down. They will watch your kids for you so you can go to dinner or paint your dang nails without having someone mess them up.
Your tribe will tell you that you are still a rockstar mom when you come to them bawling that you don’t like your kid today. They will tell you how normal it is and then make you a mimosa. They will say tomorrow will be better.
And tomorrow WILL be better. Because you had the support and encouragement to make tomorrow better.
It is so important to find these ladies in your community. They will seriously be your lifeline more times than you can count.
I moved from Northern Nevada to Southwestern Virginia when I had a 15 month old and was 4 months pregnant. I had lived in NN for 15 years and my mommy friends were my coworkers. They were my friends that I had developed over living somewhere for half a lifetime. A couple of months before we moved I started frantically researching about the area to find groups and learn about the “mom atmosphere.”
I am from a place where most moms worked. I was a working mom and I was about to become a stay-at-home mom. I was terrified that there would be no one who would get me. No one who would be home when I needed them to be home.
In my research I found Facebook groups galore. I also found a national organization called MOMS Club. It is a lot like MOPS and most places have these groups. If you are struggling to find mom friends who are available during the day, I highly recommend joining a group/club.
I also was completely blessed with making a friend at church who invited me to a weekly bible study group. This group has pretty much been my support through all my PPD/PPA.
Here is the one thing I have to say about making mommy friends, though.
YOU HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.
Unfortunately, we are not in second grade anymore and it’s not as easy as wearing the same pretty flower in your hair, however, it’s not that difficult either.
Compliment another mom. Tell her she looks great today for having such an active toddler. Tell her you love her hair (even though it’s probably been months since it’s been colored.) Moms just need to know someone notices them.
Motherhood can be so isolating and depressing because we feel like we are being judged in every aspect of life. You can’t go out and nurse without looks, but if you use a bottle you are judged for not breastfeeding. If you go out in public and your child is in pajamas, the daggers come at ya. It’s not enough that your child is fed, their diaper is changed, and they are loved.
You’re tribe will be your people. They will be the ones to help you get through those times that you feel not enough.
Where to Find a Tribe
Oh mama! There are soooo many places to find your people! I am going to try to hit some of the big ones that I have found my people, but any place that has kids will be a good place!
Library – I have yet to find a library that does not do storytime for the kiddos. This was a huge help for me in the beginning to finding people to hang out with.
Moms Clubs – Ladies… Just because you have to pay doesn’t mean you are paying for friendships. A moms club or organization is amazing because you have someone setting up playdates FOR you! All you have to do is show up and start a conversation. Eventually you will find YOUR people and can plan your own dates.
Chick Fil A – Or some other place that has an indoor play area. Stay-at-home moms are all about Chick Fil A in my town. Heck! I am all about it! For a while I was going once a week. Alright, it was twice, but no one really needs to know that. I have met some other moms while my kiddos were playing. (and now we run into each other there!)
Church – If you are a church goer there are so many ways to make friends within that community! If there is another kid who your child is attached to, ask that mom if they want to get together. Some of my closest friends have come out of my Thursday mom bible study.
Target – Okay… this one could be a stretch, BUT if you haven’t noticed Target is the new black. We moms are addicted to Target. See another mom with her kiddos? Strike up a conversation with her. Compliment how well her kids are, unless they aren’t behaving… Then it’s all about solidarty. Tell her we’ve all been there. Let her feel like she’s not alone. Then say, “hey! We should try to get our littles together! Are you on Facebook?” You never know what could happen!
What to do Once you Have Found the Tribe
If you have found your tribe, LOVE THEM HARD! Do not let them go. Know that everyone is different, comes from different backgrounds, and shows love and appreciation in different ways. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you back. Talk to them when you are feeling upset. Don’t talk about them to the rest of your tribe members. Celebrate and lift each other up! There is enough sadness in the world, let all that joy into your tribe.
Join my Tribe
Not ready to make that step? Come on over to my tribe! It’s online and full of many amazing women who want nothing more than to empower other mamas like YOU! You can find us at http://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveathomemama.
There is no better way to go through life as a stay-at-home mom than with other mamas who are going through the same thing you are going through! Do it together. Have a great time together! Your family will thank you for it. J